Lack of sex is one of the most common problems that couples can experience. When two people meet and connect because they like each other, at first they are often highly aroused and very open. But, as the relationship becomes more serious, fears may disappear and one thing lead to another. All this can negatively affect the sexual life and the relationship itself. In this article we show you 10 reasons that can cause lack of sex with your partner.
#1 You try to control each other with anger and reproaches
In particular, what do you do when you feel hurt, rejected or when things are not done your way? Are you angry and explain to your partner your reasons and your feelings? Or do you try to influence your partner with reproaches in order to control it and make it change? Sexuality has a fertilized field when the partners of the couple feel loved, esteemed, appreciated and understood. The reproaches are not the appropriate response in case of conflict and, in any case, will not make your partner feel appreciated and understood.
#2 Avoid conflict
It happens very often. Your partner gets angry with you and reproaches you for whatever it is, sometimes the smallest things. The reaction: avoid talking about it and thus elude the conflict. Or shy away from clarifying the issue between the two. When you avoid conflict, deep down, how do you feel? When we give up talking and prefer to “avoid the mess” or “leave the party in peace”, in the long run, we numb ourselves, cool down, and gradually accumulate more and more resentment. The more cooling and accumulated resentment, the less space there will be in us for passion and desire.
#3 Attempts to control each other through resistance
One party insists on talking things over and the other keeps blocking. In the end, don’t you blocking your love so you don’t feel controlled? It is like adopting the “resistance mode” as a form of punishment for the partner by not giving them absolutely anything they are asking for, in this case, an explanation or just talking about the subject. At the end of the process, you get to the point of refusing sex. And, of course, it is evident that such behavior does not help the couple in any way.
At the other extreme, using sex as a form of validation or getting approval from your partner can quickly squeeze the relationship until it is empty. When your partner comes to you in great need of approval and recognition, what do you feel in the background? It will most likely lead you to a process in which you also begin to feel nervous for fear of failure and your obsession will be to satisfy whenever you want. There will be nothing erotic about this type of sexual relationship.
#5 Power struggles in the couple
What has been mentioned so far are unproductive behaviors for the couple relationship and, in any case, they become lacking. Some people may be sexually aroused by power struggles, but the vast majority of them extinguish them by mere exhaustion. Power struggles within the couple occur when one side tries to control the other or resists being controlled. A noisy and ostentatious fight is not necessarily a sign of power struggle. Power struggles within the couple occur most often in the subtle ways described above.
#6 No intention to learn from mistakes
Intimacy also implies that the components of a couple are willing to learn from each other, especially from conflicts and problems that arise. This is even positive for the relationship. It is not so when, instead of trying to learn, what is done is to pretend to control the other. In these cases they suffer from sexual relations and, in the end, the relationship of couple in itself.
#7 Do not prioritize emotional intimacy
For many people it is essential to connect and feel an emotional intimacy to live the relationship as a couple. There is no such emotional intimacy when you try to control or avoid that control, when you are fighting between the two or you are distant from each other. The mutual connection that was felt at the beginning of your relationship can not survive when what is tried is to control and avoid conflicts instead of learning from the other and the situations that arise. Doing just the opposite not only learns to appreciate yourself much more but also learn to love the other part of the couple much more deeply.
#8 Do not spend enough time together
A good sex life needs a good connection between both parties and a good connection is coupled with a long time when the couple is too busy. When people start dating, take time out of where to be with the couple for as long as possible. But once the couple begins to get used to a certain routine – whether because they have moved in together or because there has been marriage – they forget the agenda and spend less time together. There are people who are able to spend the day working and also take care of children, things at home and even have a good time in front of the TV to go to bed and have sex as the climax of the day . But most people are either too tired at the end of the day or, over time, emotional distances have become deeper and deeper. If this happens, it is not so difficult to remove an agenda or erase those things that are superfluous and take time – which always will – to spend more time with the partner alone.
#9 You have different libidos
Some people are naturally very sexually active and some are not. This has to do with testosterone levels in each body. It is true that men tend to have higher testosterone levels than women – hence their fame – but in practice there are also many women with higher sexual needs than their husbands or their partners. If both in the couple love and understand each other and, above all, communicate, they find a satisfactory way of carrying the subject. But if what is tried is to control the other party to satisfy their own needs or their own well-being, the conflict is served. Problems like this are solved with some ease when what is prioritized in the couple is love and not the aspect of control. If both sides prioritize love, the result will be appreciation and mutual understanding. This is what creates and maintains the passion over time, which also leads to an intense, passionate and satisfying sex life that can last everything that lasts the relationship.
#10 Lack of sexual desire
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