Five Most Common Sexual Mistakes we do. Sexuality is very wide and varied and each of us lives and experiences it differently. Some say that their sexual intercourse was perfect. Is that true? Apart from the problems that can directly affect sex, and affect many people, there are also sexual errors that we habitually commit. Which one is yours?
We already know that commit errors is human, but sometimes we make mistakes that we can solve ourselves and even avoid, although other times we pass the time thinking that it is inevitable and that we can not change it. This does not mean that we should be perfect before sexual relations, but the discomfort that sometimes causes us this, we can work it and solve it without being a real headache, for yourself and for the partner.
#1 Having sex because you want or because you have to?
“Saturday night it’s sex night” or “I do it to please you” refer to having sex, by obligation. Faced with this problem, we find a low sexual desire, either in men or women, leading to a problem of lack of consensus in sex because it really fits. Desire is something unstable, it changes throughout life, which can be affected by many different causes, but this does not mean that we have to deny it.
The person who does it just to do it, is in a phase of low desire, but forcing oneself to have sexual relations leads to further reduced desire. This can become a task, therefore sex ceases to be conceived as pleasurable, understood as an obligation and therefore can become an aversion.
The person who does have desire and does it for pleasure, ends up realizing if his partner does it just to do it, to please him and does not do it because he really wants to. This can lead to that person also losing desire, and greatly reduce sexual intercourse. Remember that we all like to feel wanted, making that desire stay alive if we feel that way.
Low sexual desire in one of the two partners is a very common problem that can affect the relationship. The important thing is to know if that low desire is something punctual or if it is something more serious that is affected by physical, psychological causes or problems in the relationship. If it is lasting, forcing oneself to have sex may make the situation worse, so it is important to talk about it and try to find a solution.
Also Read: Reduced Sexual Desire in Women
#2 Pretending in sex
Some women fake their orgasms to please their partner or to end a relationship they do not feel like following. Some men pretend that they are always ready and ready to have sex or that they just want to have sex, without delving into complicity or feelings. Both can pretend to feel like having sex when they are actually tired, or even pretend that the relationship has been very pleasurable when it is not.
Why do we pretend? We pretend for fear, for fear of not liking the other, fear of looking weird or not meeting expectations. We also pretend because it can be useful to us, that is to say, it pretends for a “greater good”, for example to have sexual relations because the pair later is more attentive or more affectionate. In this sense, in the short term, pretending can have some benefits, but in the long run it can end up hurting yourself, your partner and even the relationship.
Pretending for a long time can make us tired and even our partner, or the person with whom we usually pretend, can cause us a strong dislike. This can mean that we stop wanting that person and avoiding any kind of sexual and even affective contact. So it is important to understand why we pretend and what we can do about it, such as improving communication as a couple can explain what we like or do not like, leaving the fears to side.
Also Read: Sexual Dysfunction in Women
#3 My partner’s pleasure matters more than mine
Sexual altruism is a positive thing, that is, worrying about our partner enjoying sexually is a good thing and at the same time very exciting for oneself. The error comes when we focus excessively on the pleasure of our partner and forgetting ours. The ideal is to find the intermediate point, where we can enjoy the sexual relationship and live it pleasantly and satisfactorily in a more or less equitable way.
It is obvious that if i forget my pleasure to give everything to my partner, sooner or later my sexuality will be affected. Giving pleasure to my partner and worrying about her, is totally positive, the problem comes when we repress our desires over the account.
Why is it too sexually altruistic? On the one hand, seeking approval from our sexual partner, to feel better about ourselves, but we must not forget that in the long run we also need our partner to detect our needs. Sometimes also by inexperience, trying to please the other person continuously, perhaps more experienced, so that he does not detect that we have less experience. And even sometimes we attach importance to our partner and a way to express it is to make him feel the maximum pleasure, forgetting about ourselves.
In order to enjoy sexual intercourse as a couple, it is as important to have pleasure, so it is good to have it present and enjoy a positive sexual egoism, not forgetting the importance of communication as a couple.
Also Read: Normal Sexual Function in Women
#4 The problem will be solved by itself
When there is a problem, a difficulty or inconvenience at some point in our life and we let time go by without doing anything about it, many other factors are affected. In many cases the problems that arise directly or indirectly affect our sexuality and often have an impact on our relationship.
In the case of sexual problems, they are often obviated, hidden and not spoken about, causing a great deterioration in the communication of the couple and therefore, in the relationship. Typically, men with some type of sexual dysfunction take an average of 5 years to seek help from a professional and women an average of 3 years. Telling that the vast majority of people who have a sexual problems, never seeks help and, in a high percentage of cases, relationships end or are severely affected.
This does not mean that sexual relations in a couple are essential and if they do not exist, the relationship ends. It is usually a deterioration of the relationship, which entails a certain time because the quality of affective and sexual relationships deteriorates because it depends on the good climate of the couple relationship, and vice versa, one needs the other to work. Communication, passion, affective displays, intimacy, among many other factors, are affected, and if we do not try to solve it, it is very difficult for it to work again.
Also Read: Erectile Dysfunction
#5 Make comparisons
The human being tends to compare himself by nature with his peers in many areas of life, and in sexuality it would not be less. We compare ourselves to feel identified within a group, and to know if we are better, worse or the same as the rest, making this directly affect, positively or negatively, our self-esteem.
In the case of men, their comparison is based on mentally measuring the level of competition as a lover, they seek to know if they are within the group of “the best” or the “worst.” This comparison takes into account the size of the penis, the amatoria capacity, the sexual dexterity, among others, all of which can have repercussion in insecurities, fears and some sexual problem. In this case women comparisons tend to be smaller but they also exist.
Due to the increase of sexual relations of men and women, the opportunities of comparison between sexual partners also increase. It is important to know that while we are having sex, we are thinking “what will you think of me?” Or “will you like me to do it?” Can lead to blockages, difficulties in sexual relations because they are unpleasant or unsatisfactory .
That is why it is important that on a sexual level we do not compare ourselves with anyone, but rather understand that we are unique and that each person expresses and lives their sexuality in a different way, and does not mean that it is better or worse.
Also Read: Study Reveals How Long Time It Takes To Have Sex