According to experts, it’s quite possible to have good sex again after someone has been cheating, but just not necessarily the first thing that gets fixed in the relationship. This is how you get your sex life back after someone has been cheating.
Most of us can agree that infidelity is one of the biggest and most unforgivable injuries that can be experienced in a relationship. For many people is not possible to move on after infidelity. But the answer is not that easy unfortunately. Yes, most people believe that cheating can not be forgiven, but it is before they experience it themselves and realize that it is far more complicated than just like that. Because there is much at stake; not only for the one who is unfaithful, but also for the one who has experienced infidelity, and therefore choose to forgive and try again. And yes, it is actually possible according to the experts.
Also read: Have you been unfaithful? Consider this before you tell your partner
Learn to love again after infidelity
In other words, one has to learn to love again, not only emotionally but also in the bed. But how do you do that? How do you manage to have sex again after your partner has had sex with another? According to the experts, it is also possible, but it is far from an easy process.
For most people who have experienced unfaithfulness in a relationship, sex life will logically be affected. But it’s possible to get a good sex life again, it only requires a little more time and that you work hard with both your own feelings and reactions and with your partner’s relationship.
Also read: The most common sex problems
Can be a way to process emotions
It is very different from couple to couple and from person to person how to react, but most people talk about many – and often different feelings at once. For some couples there’s a period after the first shock is over, where you want to have sex again with your partner. This may be due to an exaggeration of feelings that you suddenly becomes aware off that you do not actually want to lose the relationship.
It can also be a way to process emotions when words are not enough. However, for most people, this “good” period is followed by a more difficult period of complicated and hurtful feelings of insecurity, fraud, sadness and anger, and this may adversely affect sexuality.
Therefore, you must start all over again and rebuild trust and confidence in the relationship first, before it makes sense to be physically intimate again. There are also many things that determine how fast you are intimate again, such as who you have been unfaithful with, how long, how and why.
Also read: 9 Tips that make your sex life much better
Cheating from a womans prespective
From a female perspective, there will be talk of both insecurity and the desire to convince the partner that it’s him you really want. There are several things that can happen at the same time. One thing is that you can be incredibly angry with your partner, but since you want to continue the relationship, you are also incredibly scared of losing him. And here comes the typical female inn, to be afraid not to be good enough. It means that having sex after an infidelity can trigger a lot of conflicting emotions.
One may be that you do not feel confident. That everything feels new again, something that can be experienced very vulnerable and difficult, and makes sex a vulnerable process. In such cases one must take care carefully and show attention, and not least, in the same way as one dares to set limits, one must also dare to escape again. Because if you’re going to love, and loving your partner with sex and emotions, it’s all about trusting your partner.
Sometimes when the partner has been unfaithful, they experience a stronger sex drive. It’s almost so they want to prove they are good in bed. They challenge themselves, stretching themselves in relation to truly showing that I am the best. But it can also be very confusing: You are very angry at your partner, but at the same time, when the night comes, you only want to have sex with him.
Someone gets more of some feelings, less of others, while someone gets everyone at once, something that can be experienced quite difficult and confusing.
Also read: Why casual sex when you are drunk is a bad idea
How about when you get both feelings at once?
Just below the surface, just under the desire to prove you are the best, the vulnerability lies. You get more feelings at once, pulling in two directions. On the one hand, you really want to show him that you are attractive, while on the other hand you wonder if you are good enough, if he will leave you, do it again and so on. One goes with a vulnerable shoe and a sexy shoe and it’s very complicated for emotional life.
“It’s something you must learn to balance. It’s really about trying to take care of yourself and accepting that emotional life and sex life will be a bit complicated and a bit on trial in an uncertain period. But it’s not just that women easier feel vulnerable and have easier to have mixed feelings that make it difficult to have sex after he has been unfaithful. In addition, we have a far more advanced sex drive pattern than men who help to “block” our wishes.
It’s absolutely possible to have a good sex life again after unfaithfulness, but here it’s especially important to think of one thing: it’s very often that you divide relationships and sex life that there are two separate entities, but it’s not ! So the question would rather be: Is it possible to get a good relationship again? For a good relationship, you need a good sex life. And that’s possible.
What can happen after infidelity, after the shock an infidelity creates, is to be shaken in a way. You are completely outset and confused, but in all this confusion it’s as if it opens up a possibility to approach a new partner in a new way. Talk in a new way, with a new degree of honesty. Because suddenly, it has been shut up because you were afraid to get hurt, got up and you have to tell about it. Some couples thus find a deeper form of honesty and a better form of communicating in a direct and good way after an infidelity.
Also read: The ugly truth about casual sex
How do you proceed if you want sex, but can not find the desire?
As a matter of course, it will be about how your relationship is. Women and men have typical sex drive patterns. And the typical thinking pattern for women is that it is more volatile than the man’s. For a woman to want sex it is often important that there is a proper mood and feeling present. A romantic feeling of contact with the partner and not least trust and that you are safe and taken care of.
And the last part: trust, security and care is exactly what has been scolded. So sex life can not be the first to be repaired after infidelity. Both relationship and sense of trust must be in place before you can manage sex again.
It’s not unusual that it takes time. But here you have to balance all the feelings you have in you and listen to the body. Take yourself seriously. And not least, communicate with the man that you need time to feel safe again. For the man it may be a bit difficult to understand that trust is important for women to have good sex.
Also read: Casual sex can make you depressed
It’s not unusual for the woman to hold on to the cheating
But in addition to getting their feelings ready for sex again, Schmidt says that the key to getting the relationship – which is also the key to getting sex life on the go again – is not getting stuck in adultery, something a lot women do.
Women remember what a guy said wrong for 14 yearss ago and pick it up again and again. And when it comes to infidelity, it’s not uncommon for the woman to hold on to the cheating and use it against him so he never has a chance to “fix it”. But loving someone and daring a relationship is about throwing out in the unpredictable and vulnerable.
So if you really want to try again: Yes, it’s a good idea to be hurt for a while, yes, it’s okay not to feel safe for a while, but at one point or another you have to let go of the events and keep your trust and dare to stand with clean cards again. If not, you will always be the bitter partner, and then you can quickly go the same way again.