No, it’s not uncommon not to always want sex according to the experts. The pressure to perform at all levels of life may seem greater than ever. It’s about making the finest house, the newest car, be the best in school, have the most inspiring style and not least the “perfect” relationship – including the best sex, the wildest orgasms and a sex drive that is constantly on top.
But according to the experts, the truth is a completely different one. It is true that the few of us find that sex is as good every single time and that orgasms are exploding, just because constant sex drive is not normal. On the contrary, it is quite common to experience both ups and downs.
Read: Reduced sex drive in women, what to do?
So it’s not uncommon if you do not always want sex?
No, that’s very common. It’s almost unusual to always have as much desire to have sex. Then there are exceptions, although it is of course great if you have it. You are not abnormal or less perfect if you suddenly do not want your partner as much as you like, and this is the explanation:
Highest sex drive during puberty
Sex drive is very average and there is no flair; Some do not feel like it at all, while others feel like it all the time. Nevertheless, she says that the desire is generally at the top during puberty. The level of hormones that control our sex drive is greatest in adolescence. So from the middle of the 20’s it starts to go down, because then the hormones have stabilized. But that does not mean that an arrow goes straight down. It will still go up and down due to other factors that affect the sex drive.
Sexual desire is greatest when you are young, but emphasizes that sex drive is not constant and that most of us -both young and adults – will experience ups and downs. Hormonally, you can say that your sex drive is at top during puberty, but also when you are newly in love. But it’s quite normal that sex drive goes up and down through life. Such is the case for most people.
Internal and external factors
But in addition to age, sexologists can tells us that there are a number of other factors that affect whether sex is on top or not. There are many reasons why you can feel or lose sexual desire. There is much that affects our sexual desire, both internal and external factors. Our sexual interest, sexual fantasies and interpret sexual signals around us can also mean a lot.
The brain is our big sex organ and nerves carry the signals around the entire body. In this way you can feel the sense of feeling and the coolness. The nerves communicate with the brain so that the body is able to respond sexually. However, if you are unable to have sexual thoughts for a period, it will again be difficult for your body to respond. And the reasons for why sex happiness is missing can be due to a number of things.
The desire is influenced by many things, both in the body like puberty, pregnancy, breastfeeding, menopause and disease – and what happens around us like stress, depression, young children, sleep deprivation, conflict in relationships, family illness or refurbishment ff houses.
For example, if you are not completely in shape, your sex drive will be lower. Not to mention stress. Stress is a sex killer delux! Stress hormones override sex lymph nodes, so with stress you will most likely not feel like it.
Sex drive does not come by itself
But even if the sex drive is gone for a day or two – even for a week – because of the factors that the experts mention is not problematic. The problem occurs only when you are unable to get out of the downturn you are in. The problem starts on the day you end up in a negative spiral, where you enter a period of little sex happiness lasting for a long time.
Are you coming into a bad period, then you may begin to ask yourself existential questions about your relationship and so on. Then the focus is often on it and it is again stressful and can make the period of reduced sex drive persist.
Is there anything you can do to get back your sex drive?
To some extent you can do something. First and foremost, it’s important to accept that you do not always want sex, and do not hause it up to anything worse than it is. But if this is something that lasts a very long period and it starts to go beyond the relationship, it’s important to talk about it and be open to each other.
The sexologists rarely recommend people to have sex to solve the problem. If your sex drive is there, but just a little away for a short period of time, we would recommend having sex and trying out, but if you do not feel like it at all and you do not mind the idea of sex, we do not recommend putting in time. Then there are often bigger things behind than you are only in a bad period, and then you have to find the reason.
The best thing to do for your own sex drive is to nurture your own sexuality, masturbate, imagine, think about what you want and what you do not want and be honest about it both above yourself and your partner. Of course, it is possible to influence the desire for example by strengthening sexual fantasies, being receptive to sexual signals, masturbating, getting touched, giving touch, and so on. The desire will vary, but you have to work a little to keep it in place, for example, in long-term relationships. The desire does not come by itself, necessarily. You may occasionally add something to maintain it.